Temperature Controlled Faucet Light

Amazon.com $4.22

Children these days are so spoiled.  I mean, what's a childhood without realizing the difference between hot and cold the hard way?  Call me old-fashioned, but I think I'll stick to the Left: Hot, Right: Cold method.  Or even easier, the "touch the water and see if it's hot or cold" method.  If you are against those solutions, this product is for you.

Runny Nose Soap Dispenser

Amazon.com $6.28

What is a bathroom without a giant nostril pouring out body wash?  As you ponder that question, do beware that this product averaged about 2 stars on Amazon reviews for poor quality soap dispensing and frequent leaks and messes.  I don't know what people thought they were getting themselves into with a runny nose soap dispenser.  It doesn't say "stuffy" nose for a reason.  Just sayin'....

WM: Butt Face Soap

Amazon.com $5.55

From the people who brought you the Butt Face Towel, here comes the revolutionary Butt Face Soap!  Wash your face with one side and your butt with the other.  This brings up the further question, however, of which side do you use to wash the rest of your body?  Your feet?  Your armpits?  Should we have different soaps for each specific body part?  Or should we go with Chandler's theory from Friends that soap is, indeed, "self cleaning."  Just saying.  Not sure I wanna wash my ass with brown soap.

Big Mouth Toys Presidential Election Toilet Paper

Amazon.com $5.59

Amazon.com $6.84

No need to be an annoying political activist anymore.  Share you opinion the simple way--by wiping your ass with your opponents face. 

Umbra Aquala Bamboo and Chrome Bathtub Caddy

Amazon.com $39.99

This is sadly intriguing.  As a lover of all things baths, this product makes me wanna....get tipsy in a warm bath.  The center is also a book holder.  What more can you really want?

Shitter: Twitter Feed Toilet Paper

go to getshitter.com for this gem

Do bathroom trips frequently take away from your precious social media time?  I'm sure for 50% of us the answer is no, because we Facebook/Twitter on the toilet.  But for those of us who are too classy to do that, all your social media withdrawal problems are solved with Shitter: your own personalized twitter feed printed out on four rolls of toilet paper mailed directly to your door.  You can wipe your ass with all your friends' stupid comments, rants, and everyday activities and thoughts.  What more could you really want?

Westminster Butt Face Towel

Amazon.com $13.62

Towel-sharers, no more need to fear!  The Butt Face towel is here!  To be honest, I never thought about wiping my face with a towel that may have previously wiped a butt, but now that I am thinking about it...I just...need this towel.